revise the paper follow the instruction
This is a start, Jin Wei, but I’m concerned that your topic is still too general and relies too heavily on Desmond’s research and not enough on outside sources. Consider the fact that Desmond’s book is only an investigation of the housing crisis in a single city, Milwaukee, and that his project is much, much larger than yours (a whole book), but it seems like you’re trying to tackle the issue on a national scale in an 8-page paper.
In revision, please consider:
-Focusing less on summarizing Evicted and more on a specific housing law, or practice in one particular place. If you wish to focus on race and housing, then don’t stray from this topic. You’ll also have to show how race and poverty are connected, without assuming your readers already know the reasons for this.
-Try integrating your multimodal sources, but throughout your essay, rather than grouping them all together. Also, be sure to explain their relevance to your argument.
Please see my margin comments for more specific questions and suggestions.
This is the comment from my teacher. Can you please help me revise this paper again careflly follow the instruction and make siginificant changes? Pleasenarrow down the topic first, since it is still too general, and please find more outside resource to convince the argument instead of summrizing the book too much. And there are detailed comments for the whole paper attached. And also there are several good samples attached.
- How many pieces of multimodal evidence do you see?
- What types of multi-modality do you notice?
- Can we see what the paper is about without actually reading it?